Inside Office Head – A Users Guide

He wouldn’t let it lie, either.

“They have been described as the bastard offspring of Salvador Dali and Morecambe & Wise..”

Jonathan Ross leaned back in his chair, I leaned back in mine. I was sat about 350 miles away from the studio in London where Jonathan Ross was about to interview rising comics Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer. It was about an hour before the start of their second series on Channel 4, in the autumn of 1991.

 

16 (1985)

From about seventeen years old I had been dabbling in writing songs. What I had mistaken for a bottomless well of inspiration was merely the hormone-fuelled manifestation of a love starved teenager’s quest for an answer. I don’t need to tell you what the question was, I’m sure you’ll have your own memories of this time in your life, and don’t wish to be reminded of it!

During these periods of adolescent despair I would write, sing and record songs in copious quantities. I recorded about 30 instrumental tracks, which, if accompanied by today’s “Rave” percussion, would compete with the best of them. I was recording this stuff in 1987.

A few years later, the “gift” I thought I had dried up. I had written about 50 pieces of music, most of which were awful, to be honest with you, and I simply had nothing more to say. I’d said it all. All that had happened was that my adolescent melancholy had receded as I advanced into adulthood — and I realised that there was nothing to be unhappy about anymore.

I was never diagnosed, but in retrospect I am confident that during this time I was experiencing manic-depressive tendencies; periods of elation, happiness and over-excitement would be followed by what seemed much longer periods of black, heavy, suffocating depression. I still get the latter these days, maybe a few dark hours at a time, when I suddenly realise that I am “having a downer,” but have no reason to be, yet cannot drag myself out of it for hours.

In 1990 I accidentally tuned into the first edition of “Vic Reeves Big Night Out,” a sort of banal variety show. It was sublime. The humour and freshness of the show seemed to slot into my mind like a jigsaw piece. I didn’t understand why until about a year later.

As I watched Jonathan Ross interview Reeves & Mortimer, I wondered who Salvador Dali was. I did some research, and found out that there had been a movement started up by some artists in Paris in the 1930’s led by Andre Breton, included Dali, and was known as the Surrealists.

Surrealism is the expression, in writing, painting and sculpture of the unreal, the incoherent, and the unexpected, the stuff of dreams.

The amateur psychologists amongst you will be aware that one side of the brain is devoted to imagination, shapes, and where our dreams take place. The other side of our brain is where organisation, rational thought, language, and where many people believe that “intelligence” occurs. This is why it is so hard to describe your dreams to someone else, as we are using one half of our brain, to try and describe the imagery that takes place in the other. You struggle.

When we are children, we are taught to use the “Intelligent” side of our brains, and are measured by our ability to use it effectively. Our “Imaginative” brain hemishepheres are stifled, laughed at, ridiculed and smothered into silence, which is why we get such a kick out of dreaming, because it is so “different” to our waking life.

Salvador Dali said that his paintings were stills from the movies playing in his head when he daydreamed.

This is one interpretation of surrealism.

Surrealist writing runs parallel to surrealist painting, and is more rewarding, in my opinion.

This is the like seeing a movie, then reading the book of the movie, and coming to the conclusion that the movie could have been as good as the book — but wasn’t.

Back Projection? Shurely there is shome mishtake!

This is because when you read a book, you experience the thoughts of the good guy as he gets the girl, imagine the blistering heat of an exploding Harrier Jump-Jet, you smell the smell of burning rubber as the secret agent takes a corner at 90 miles per hour in a car chase.

You read a book, and you have the best special effects studio in the world working flat-out to provide you with the most vivid images you could ever experience without actually being there. This is your left brain at work. When you go to the movies, you are only seeing the film producer’s imagination at work. He or she is limited by budgets, time constraints, actors and actresses who absolutely will not jump off that cliff, no matter how much they are being paid.

In short, writing allows YOU to think yourself into the images conjured up by the writer, immerse yourself completely, and almost dream.

When I was asked to put together the page layouts for the first Grapevine, I decided to try my hand at surrealist writing. It was a bit sketchy at first, I must admit, but I enjoyed writing the first Office Head immensely.

In 1995 I entered a BBC2 scriptwriting competition. I didn’t get anywhere with it, or you would have heard about it by now.

Maybe the world isn’t ready for the alternate realities I dream about, yet.

I shall keep writing, and enjoy the knowledge that someone out there is enjoying my hobby, now I have found an outlet for my creativity.