I’ve just found this abandoned idea for a children’s short story. I probably won’t bother finishing it, but here it is, in case anyone fancies scaring their kids.. It got a bit weird even by my standards so I kind of ran out of steam..
Once upon a time there was a tiny little frog called Keith that lived in the leaves under a shed at the bottom of the garden. He had a little sausage called – well – Sausage – that he kept as a pet in his coat pocket.
Sausage the Sausage was really a baby dragon wearing a sausage costume. Keith thought it a bit odd that he could use a sausage to light birthday candles but didn’t really think about it too much as it was very useful.
One cold, sunny winter’s day, the little frog called Keith received an invitation to The King’s birthday party. The invitation said that Keith was allowed to bring one friend with him. Excitedly, the little frog rushed out of his pile of leaves and hopped up the garden to find his best friend, Vincent Wincy, a spider that lived up a drainpipe.
Vincent (or Vincie as he was also known) was not there, but he had left Keith a note under a little pebble next to the drainpipe.
The note (written in spidery handwriting) said this:
Dear Keith. Alright?
Vincie here.
I’ve had to visit my big sister, Incie, because her house got a bit flooded when it rained the other day.
I’m not sure how long I’m going to be there for.
I’ve heard the weather is going to be nice there soon so I might stay there for a bit, although knowing my luck it’s going to tip it down there as well!
See you soon, Keith.
Your friend,
Vincie Wincy (Spider)
Keith was beside himself. Then he looked round and realised he was stood next to a mirror. It was Vincie’s mirror – he was very vain, always looking at himself, but he was still a good friend, so that was alright.
Keith didn’t know what to do about The King’s birthday invitation. It said he could bring one other person but Vincie, who he was going to ask, had gone to visit his sister, Incie.
A quiet yet deep voice said “What about me?”
This caused Keith to jump, as he wasn’t expecting it. As he was a frog, he jumped quite high, and knocked an apple out of a nearby tree with his head. Ouch! The apple fell on an old man, who shouted “Eureka!” and ran off naked into the woods, where he startled some squirrels that were collecting nuts.
Keith sat under the tree and rubbed his head where he had bounced off the apple.
The quiet yet deep voice rumbled: “It’s me – Sausage.”
Keith reached into his coat pocket and pulled out Sausage the Sausage and looked at it strangely.
Sausage The Sausage cleared his throat, which caused a puff of smoke to curl up into the air, and began to speak.
“Keith, it is time I told you about myself. I am not actually a sausage, I am a baby dragon wearing a sausage costume.
I was originally going to wear an Elvis costume, but they don’t come in my size. Cat size is the smallest they do – a cat wearing an Elvis costume, eh? Imagine that!
So I had to make do with a Sausage costume, and Sausage The Elvis would have just been ridiculous really. So there you are.”
Keith replied: “So you are Sausage the Dragon? Ok, I can live with that. So you want to come to The King’s birthday with me do you?”
“Yes please,” said the baby dragon. He continued: “If you’d like me to, of course. I really quite enjoy jelly and cake, you know. And I love party games!”
Keith said: “Hang on, it says Fancy Dress on this invitation – you could come as a baby dragon, you know, come as yourself. Brilliant!”
Have I gone too far into the surreal, do you think? Or is it simply cack? I suspect it is the latter..
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